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Category: Store News
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Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.
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Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is not a bug. It is the product.
As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.
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How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a shipping department located under the couch.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.