Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

The Short Version, Told Slowly

Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.