Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

The Short Version, Told Slowly

If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.

The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.