Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

The Short Version, Told Slowly

The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.